Save Your Marriage

Save The Marriage

Lee Baucom, Ph. D. shows couples with marriage troubles a new way to save their marriage that is far more effective than any marriage counselor in this marriage course. In 4 easy-to-read modules, Dr. Baucom shows the step by step way to save a marriage that is in danger of ending any day. These show the top 5 mistakes that most people make in marriage, the REAL secrets to a happy marriage, why marriage counseling can actually HURT your marriage more, and how to move beyond your emotions into action. This module can actually have you saving your marriage in less than an hour, sometimes even 10 minutes. This book also comes with 4 bonus gifts free: Coping With a Midlife Marriage Crisis, Recovering from an Affair, 5 Rules for Fighting Fair, and an eBook written by a couple who was on the edge of divorce and the methods they used to get a happy marriage back. Marriage can be hard, but divorce is harder, on you and your children. Why risk it? Read more here...

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It is pricier than all the other books out there, but it is produced by a true expert and is full of proven practical tips.

All the modules inside this book are very detailed and explanatory, there is nothing as comprehensive as this guide.

The Relationship Rewrite Method

Getting your man back is a totally different phenomenon than wooing him the first time. But with this new step-by-step guide full of tips and tricks, you will have him tumbling back towards you. It is possible considering the creator of the program. James Bauer, better known as the guru behind the website, have been helping people like you in mending their relationships. He has been tending to a variety of clients and because of this interaction, and his previous expertise in relationship science, he has mounted a great deal of understanding of the subject matter. The author has developed this program as a very easy guide that can be followed by everyone. It is a PDF that will change your life for good just the way you want it. It works on a very basic formula of planting a seed of the same tree that you had groomed all those years. With this program, I assure your relationship will develop faster and better than what it was before. You will see how everything goes beyond your expectations and how your bond with your man becomes stronger than before. There are no bonuses with this one, but I assure you won't need any. Read more here...

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Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy

An important development in behavioral couple treatment has been the development of integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT Christensen, Jacobson, & Babcock, 1995). This approach to the treatment of couple distress is consistent in many ways with the principle-based intervention that we present in this chapter. IBCT is an empirically validated intervention that combines the change-oriented strategies of traditional behavioral couple therapy (TBCT Jacobson, & Margolin, 1979), including behavioral exchange and communication problem-solving skills, with newer strategies focused on acceptance.

Primary Nursing Diagnosis

Learn new coping behaviors, decrease social isolation, develop a realistic perception of body image, and learn age-appropriate behaviors. Concurrently, both the individual patient and the family are involved in sessions to educate them on the nature and processes of the disease and the prognosis and treatment plan. Family therapy facilitates learning new ways of handling conflict, solving problems, and supporting the patient's move toward independence.

The Realities Of Love And Marriage

And the love they want in their marriages. These realistic descriptions of marriage emerge from conversations with women who are younger or older, who are religious or nonreligious, and who have or have not lived with their partner before marriage. I come to these conclusions after conducting in-depth interviews with women either just before or soon after the time of their first marriage. Interviews are especially good for this type of research because they provide rich, detailed information about the meaningful dimensions of lived experience (Holstein and Gubrium 1995 Agar 1996). In addition to learning what women think about love and marriage, the interviews delve into the processes through which women make sense of their marriage experiences. illustrate women's sentiments that marriage may not be the romantic fantasy that American culture makes it out to be, but it nevertheless involves the sort of everyday love they want in their marriages. Second, the women indicate that they are...

Variations on a Theme Studies of Other Exposure Protocols

Plus CR intervention supplemented by 16-18 additional sessions of behavioral family therapy. All of the veterans were allowed to remain on previously prescribed psychiatric medications. The various dependent variables in this study were factor analyzed and yielded a positive symptoms factor (i.e., reexperiencing, hyperarousal) and negative symptoms factor (i.e., avoidance, emotional numbing). Results revealed that, compared to the waiting-list condition, treatment with imaginal exposure plus CR resulted in significant improvement on the positive symptoms but not the negative symptoms. Contrary to expectations, adding behavioral family therapy did not enhance outcome. In sum, although PE has not been tested directly in samples of combat veterans, studies using variations of exposure therapy with veterans have consistently revealed significant benefits for this treatment approach. However, the magnitude of the improvement has been somewhat limited. Furthermore, the benefits of exposure...

The Meanings Of Husband And Of Wife

I categorized the various ways husbands and wives understand the labels wife and husband. I then created a typology of spousal labels that includes seven varieties of marital identity. As seen in the accompanying figure, six of these categories form a continuum of spousal identity, moving from traditionalist notions of marriage on the left to more egalitarian ones on the near right. The seventh category, role confusion, lies outside of the continuum and is reserved for those who convey uncertainty about the meaning of the terms as it applies to their marriage.

Problemsolving process

In the course of therapy Gabriel and his parents redefine the rules that guide their living together. Although Gabriel consumed cannabis several times after a self-imposed period of abstinence, the relationship to his father is more relaxed. The mother decides to stop work in the father's consulting business and takes up her profession as a seamstress again. At the same time the number of arguments between the parents regarding their own relationship increases. Both feel, however, that they can solve these marital problems themselves without therapeutic support.

Getting a Grip on Your Anger

Of course, if your anger is so out of control that it's affecting your relationship or your job, or if you feel the urge to hit someone, seek help. Talk to your doctor about your anger and ask him or her to refer you to a counselor. Experts say that some people with extreme anger may be able to moderate their emotions in about 10 weeks or less with counseling.

Trauma And Interpersonal Effects

Include interpersonal problems, such as marital disruption (Nelson, Wangsgaard, Yorgason, Kessler, & Carter-Vassol, 2002), sexual dysfunction (Tsai, Feldman-Summers, & Edgar, 1978 Merrill, Guimond, Thomsen, & Miller, 2003 Noll, Trickett, & Putnam, 2003), and issues with trust and intimacy (for reviews, see Beitchman et al., 1992). A history of childhood abuse is also believed to increase the severity of traumatic response to interpersonal violence experienced as adults (Kubany et al., 2004). Women with PTSD are overrepresented in substance abuse samples and are considered more difficult to treat than women with substance abuse disorder alone (Najavits, Weiss, Shaw, & Muenz, 1998). In comparison to more circumscribed trauma such as rape, the psychological sequelae of childhood abuse include more pervasive deficits in interpersonal functioning (Archer & Cooper, 1998 Roth, Newman, Pelcovitz, van der Kolk, & Mandel, 1997) that require more intricate treatment considerations (Cloitre,...

Cognitivebehavioral Interventions

(b) managing anger (c) preparing for stress reactions (''stress inoculation'') (d) handling future symptoms related to disruptive events (e) addressing urges to use alcohol or drugs when trauma symptoms occur (f) communicating and relating effectively with people (social skills or marital therapy).

Wanting Them To Be Safe And Healthy

So now she has to stay in the front yard and then she doesn't understand because she, well, and it's like then we had her in group therapy with other kids. We, Kevin and I, were in a parenting group, which he hated. I mean I think a lot of stress of this is why our marriage broke up. And so all of us went to family therapy. And even to this day, like we'll have to watch her because it's like she tries to wander off and then I have to find out why she's not in the front yard. I know that is because of the molesting, because of some of the things that she says. She never, she dresses like a boy now, she tries to act tough. Ann believes that Cindy's experience of being molested may have exaggerated her marital problems. She feels that Kevin has not been very helpful in coming to grips with things ( Oh, you make such a big deal out of it ) or in planning for the future. There are also the mixed messages with which she's had to contend. Within the past month, she has heard that Kevin was...

Male Involvement with Infants

Thought and not necessarily confined to monogamous species (Hrdy, 1981). Whereas, previously, it was assumed that monogamy and male certainty of paternity facilitated the evolution of male care, it now seems appropriate to consider the alternative possibility, whether the extraordinary capacity of male primates to look out for the fates of infants did not in some way pre-adapt members of this order for the sort of close, long-term relationships between males and females that, under some ecological circumstances, leads to monogamy Either scenario could be true. The point is that on the basis of present knowledge there is no reason to view male care as a restricted or specialized phenomenon. In sum, though it remains true that mothers among virtually all primates devote more time and or energy to rearing infants than do males, males nonetheless play a more varied and critical role in infant survival than is generally realized.

The Role of Interpersonal Events

The fact that attachment processes occur throughout a number of different species, including humans, suggests that it has considerable evolutionary significance. Bowlby (1988) was quite clear on this point It is . . . more than likely that a human being's powerful propensity to make these deep and long-term relationships is the result of a strong gene-determined bias to do so, a bias that has been selected during the course of evolution (p. 81). The motivation to bond is thus hardwired in our past. Although there are a number of functions that attachment and bonding serve, the ongoing maintenance of affective bonds plays a critical role in our most basic emotional needs the maintenance of proximity to individuals of our own kind.

Systemic Perspective of Family Life

The conception and early development of family therapy began in the 1950s (Burnham 1999). Therapists began to examine families in terms of the interactions between family members. The individual's symptoms were seen for the first time as being rooted in family patterns of interaction. The family is seen as a system and therefore what happens to one family member has a direct effect on the family as a whole. It is generally accepted that a family needs flexibility in managing the demands of a family member having a life-threatening illness. Palliative care practitioners offer a range of supportive care to underpin the family's own coping patterns, but some families may have limited flexibility because of their structure, they may be isolated, living miles from their families of origin (e.g. asylum seekers or refugees) or they may have lost flexibility because they have been caring for a long time. These are families where a family therapy approach may be helpful. Family interventions...

Open and Closed Systems

Jenny and her husband had decided to separate when Alan became terminally ill. He had been having an affair with Jane but this finished when Alan became very ill with advanced prostrate cancer. Jenny stayed to look after Alan but was angry and bitter about having to put her life on hold. She saw the nurses who visited Alan as a nuisance and always found fault with them, usually something petty like where they parked the car in the drive. One nurse with the help of a family therapist in the team decided to challenge Jenny, very gently, about what was going on. She said to Jenny that things must be very tough for her and that the nurses felt they were making things worse not better. Jenny responded to this by angrily talking about her situation Jenny watched the relationships that Alan was making with the nurses, he would be flirtatious and jovial and the final blow for her was that one young nurse was called Jane. Jenny said the nurses coming in each day were a reminder of her husbands...

Ipt The Matrix For

The original version of IPT rests on a foundation of social-relational research that was available in the early 1970s. This literature includes the work of sociologists, anthropologists, and the interpersonal school of psychotherapy. Particularly influential were observations that marital discord

During the Palliative Phase

Often parents fear the way their child will die. Will my child suffer from needless pain Will it happen when I am not there In this period parents are often very irritable. They may be angry with the physician who cannot cure their child, but also with persons in their environment, because they are in a condition of heightened irritability with little interest in others who may not be able to follow closely the condition of the diseased child. During the child's illness parents also suffer from feelings of guilt. These feelings might arise from perceived shortcomings in meeting the needs of the child, or from asking the question if everything has been done to cure the disease. In the palliative phase, most parents live in a situation of heightened alertness. Somehow condemned to passivity, they may be very active and want to spend most of the time with the dying child. Sometimes they doubt whether they are strong enough to hold on. Especially if other burdensome circumstances are...

Quality Of Life Questionnaireevans

The QLQ may be used to measure the relationships between quality of life and other behaviors related to physical health, psychological health, and substance abuse. It may also be useful as an evaluative measure of the impact of programs and changes in services upon both community and individual life quality. Studies indicate that quality of life measures may be useful in helping to identify community needs for improving mental health services, obtaining funding for needed programs, and promoting quality of life in general. In clinical practice, measuring quality of life is an important way to evaluate the effectiveness of group or individual therapy, drug therapy, or family therapy treatment programs. In order to alleviate specific physical or psychological symptoms, the QLQ may be used to suggest areas of an individual's life that may benefit from modification. As well, its efficient design makes the QLQ an ideal screener for employee assistance, wellness, stress, weight control, or...

With The Marriage Counselor

Here, we describe the divorce talk of couples who take a route that includes marriage counseling. The counselor might be a marriage and family therapist, a psychologist, a social worker, or even a clergyman. The percentage of couples contemplating divorce who enter into marriage counseling is unknown. For those who do take this route, the decision to seek counseling not only requires the recognition that there are problems in the marriage, but also an acceptance of the idea that treatment is worth trying. Entering counseling is colored by many factors, including the couple's financial means, religious restrictions, and attitudes toward counseling (Doss, Atkins, and Christensen 2003 Briggle and Byers 1997). Consider four different types of couples contemplating divorce that share in common the decision to seek help. Each is concerned with the need for change in their troubled marriage, but each talks about change differently. Their shared assumption is that the problems in their...

Contingent Responding

Reinforcing stimuli are those stimuli that follow a particular behavior and increase the probability that this behavior will occur in the future. If a male veteran reported feeling vulnerable in the session, the therapist would likely praise him for his self-disclosure, given that self-disclosure of feelings is a behavior that we want to strengthen in his repertoire. Negative reinforcement is also used at times to increase the probability of a behavior recurring. However, as noted by Jacobson and Margolin (1979) in their seminal work on behavioral marital therapy, the use of positive control strategies (vs. aver-sive control) is highly preferable. Punishment is used, though rarely, to decrease the probability of a behavior occurring through the delivery of an adverse stimulus. If a partner became verbally abusive in session, the therapist would intervene by stopping the behavior and discussing its impact. This discussion would function as a punishment (i.e., given that the partner...

Something Needs To Change

A second couple type consists of two people who communicate being distressed but who provide no clear explanation of why. This type of couple tends to be very passive regarding their marriage. In their accounts, problems are described as something that happens to them rather than something created together by them and the ways they choose to interact. Typically, there is not a crisis or clear issue of immediate concern said to confront them like there is for the first couple type. Instead, these couples talk about their relationship as withering before their eyes and say that they cannot find a way of articulating why this is happening.

Aids Palliative Care And Death And Dying

Different methods of comfort care such as pastoral care, hypnosis, music, relaxation, meditation, writing, and art can be incorporated with much success, and these methods need to be integrated and offered to persons during the entire course of their illness on a routine basis (Cohen, 1999). Depression, anxiety, pain, and other mental health disorders need to be addressed with both psychotherapy and pharmaco-therapy using multiple models, including crisis, individual, group, and family therapy, over the entire spectrum of illness. Integration of spiritual care has been shown to provide comfort and solace to persons suffering with cancer (Saunders, 1988 Jacox et al., 1994). Attempts to provide these interventions across the spectrum of HIV illness will improve the seamless attention given to the associated suffering and distress.

He She Needs To Change

This couple had been engaged in divorce talk for some time. Jeff and Michelle blame each other for their marital problems. Jeff's account focuses on Michelle's argumentative challenges as the reason for withholding information from her, while Michelle blames her aggressiveness on Jeff's secretiveness. In her account, his behavior offers ample justification for her to interject the possibility that divorce is the best route.

Children And Divorce Research

Exploring how children actively interpret divorce turns upside down one of the primary questions that drive research How are children affected when parents end their marriages Judith Wallerstein and colleagues (2000) generated headlines when she stated that the legacy of divorce is bleak for It turns out that the stories adults tell about their divorces make a difference in how they adjust to them.1 When ex-spouses explain their marital difficulties in terms of troubles between spouses rather than because of one of them, they tend to perceive each other more positively following divorce (Grych and Fincham 1992). People who address their own responsibility in negative marital interactions may have less conflict with their former spouses (Walzer and Oles 2003). But even though researchers suggest that adult stories have implications for couples after divorce, there are few studies that focus on how children especially those who are not yet adolescents come to terms with their parents'...

Complementary Definitions

Curiously, the other three couples with comparable, but not identical, views of the labels of husband and wife were couples in which the wife felt the marital roles were sufficiently traditional, but the husband wanted more tradition in the arrangement. In two cases, husbands desired self-improvement and felt they could better fulfill the stereotypical male role in marriage by such actions as earning more money, working harder, controlling the finances, and being sterner with the children. In one case, however, the husband wanted a more traditional role for his wife (who, incidentally, saw herself as a traditional wife), but not for himself. While these couples technically disagreed about the level of tradition present in their marriage or the amount of tradition necessary to be a good wife or husband, all three couples agreed about the necessity of tradition in marital roles. Significantly, in three of the five couples with clashing perceptions of marital identity, the wives...

Pathological Gambling and Other Behavioral Addictions

As with SUDs, financial and marital problems are common (Grant & Kim, 2001) and often include illegal behaviors, such as stealing, embezzlement, and writing bad checks (Grant & Kim, 2001 Potenza et al., 2000). Cognitive features have also been reported as common between PG and SUDs for example, both groups have been found to have high rates of temporal discounting of rewards and to perform disadvantageously on decision-making tasks (Bechara, 2003).

Couple Functioning Among Trauma Survivors

Relationship distress and dissatisfaction are common complaints among survivor couples. In her early work on incest survivors, Hermann (1981) noted clinical examples of the types of relationship problems that can occur. Research shows that relationships of incest survivors tend to be characterized by distress and marital discord, dissatisfaction, difficulties with trust and communication, and violence (DiLillo & Long, 1999 Jehu, 1988 Mullen, Martin, Anderson, Romans, & Herbison 1994 Savarese, Suvak, King, & King, 2001). There is consistent evidence of elevated rates of separation and divorce among trauma couples (Mullen et al. 1994 Riggs et al., 1998 Russell, 1986). In particular, women with a history of CSA are at greater risk of physical mistreatment committed by male partners than are women without such histories (Briere & Runtz, 1987, 1988).

Aidsism And The Multiple Disparities Of Hiv And Aids

Psychiatric factors take on new relevance and meaning as we approach the end of the third decade of the AIDS pandemic. Persons with AIDS are living longer and healthier lives as a result of appropriate medical care and advances in antiretroviral therapy. However, in the United States and throughout the world, some men, women, and children with AIDS are unable to benefit from medical progress. Inadequate access to care results from a multiplicity of barriers, including economic, social, political, and psychiatric ones. Psychiatric disorders and distress play a significant role in the transmission of, exposure to, and infection with HIV (Cohen and Alfonso, 1994 Cohen and Alfonso, 1998 Blank et al., 2002). They are relevant to prevention, clinical care, and adherence throughout every aspect of illness from the initial risk behavior to death. They result in considerable suffering from diagnosis to end-stage illness (Cohen and Alfonso, 2004). Untreated psychiatric disorders can be...


Men who are married tend to live longer than men who are single. Does this mean that marriage is the healthiest form of relationship for men Not necessarily. But it does mean that a stable, long-term relationship includes features that positively affect many men's emotional and physical health. Most women also expect to have emotional support, mutual respect, stability, and a satisfying sexual life as part of their relationship. Working women expect greater participation by their partner in household chores and child rearing. Tension in marriage is often the result of different role expectations and unfulfilled needs. The role behaviors and values you learned during childhood may not work in your relationship today. Divorce If your marriage fails, it does not mean that you are a failure or that your role as a father is diminished. Try not to let your contact with your children drop off after your divorce. Children are at risk when they grow up without their father. They are more...


In all systems there is the need for appropriate boundaries. Structural family therapists identify that a confused boundary or no boundaries can lead to stress in the system. An example might be in a family where one parent has a very strong alliance (confused boundaries) with a child and this has the effect of excluding the other parent. Absence of boundaries or confused boundaries are especially problematic when a family member gets ill.

Belief Systems

Mostly the rules which govern our lives in our intimate relationships are not made explicit, although some are. Family therapists suggest that these rules, the way we live our lives, lead to the development of a belief system. It is important to try to understand a family's belief system because it comes into play whenever changes and choices have to be made. Belief systems sustain patterns of behaviour which in turn come from beliefs. Beliefs about the cause of the illness that lead to blame and shame can be particularly difficult in blocking the way a family might work through the knowledge of the illness and become reconciled to the outcome (Rolland 1991).

Family Scripts

Ing models from the past to approach current problems is very common in family therapy. One helpful strategy is to help families find new models. Creation of rituals is more frequently used in bereavement work but it can also be useful in introducing new ways of approaching difficulties. Some family therapists have noted the lack of rituals in families facing loss (Imber-Black 1988). However, this is not always the case, as the following examples illustrate. One family, for example, always organised to spend an evening together having a take-away meal and a video the week after the mother's chemotherapy. In this way they felt they were celebrating the passing of another treatment.


J., & White, S. W. (1978). Marital disruption as a stressor A review and analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 85, 867-894. van Doorn, C., Kasl, S., Beery, L. C., Jacobs, S. C., & Prigerson, H. G. (1998). The influence of marital quality and attachment styles on complicated grief and depressive symptoms. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 186(9), 566-573.


After the Soviet Union opened up its borders, about 700,000 people emigrated from the Soviet Union to Israel. It is estimated that about a quarter of them came from areas surrounding the Chornobyl power plant. Several Israeli studies have looked into the mental health status of immigrants from the former Soviet Union. Cwikel et al. 34-36 followed up one such group of immigrants who had sought an evaluation at a university specialty clinic in southern Israel. Compared to immigrants from other parts of the former Soviet Union, those from areas contaminated by Chornobyl had higher rates of mental health problems and marital problems. Also, the immigrants exposed to radiation from Chornobyl had significantly higher systolic blood pressure. Remennick 37 also found poorer self-reported post-immigration adjustment among these immigrants.

The Divorce Option

Divorce is an option for individuals who deem their marriages unsatisfactory. The option increasingly is chosen in all of the advanced industrial nations (Goode 1993). While divorce has been possible for Americans from the colonial era to the present, it was not until the past century that sizeable numbers of couples availed themselves of this choice. It was only during the last three decades that a large surge in divorces occurred. Although the rate of divorce has declined slightly in recent years from its peak in the late 1970s, it still remains high. Indeed, the rate of divorce in the United States is among the highest in the world, along with Britain and the Scandinavian countries. The United States resembles all modern industrial nations insofar as all have experienced increased divorce rates over the past century. The Census Bureau estimates that about half of the current marriages will at some future date end in divorce. About 50 percent of first marriages for men under the age...

Emily Fairchild

You're getting married This is a momentous occasion and I am so excited for you and Scott We know your relationship has been strong for some time, but there is still great excitement when your commitment becomes official. This next year will be busy (and stressful) Remember that you're celebrating your love. This is the one time in your life when you get to revel in romance trying on dresses, choosing flowers, and writing vows. I look forward to hearing all your details You'll only experience this process once in your life, so have fun and enjoy it all I hope you find that this is a time when all of your relationships with Scott, your parents, and other friends and family are strengthened.


Modeling is frequently used in conjunction with the previous principles. While we were reviewing the principle of contingent responding in relation to couple therapy, we noted that there are a number of clinically relevant behaviors emitted by both partners that represent potential opportunity for intervention by the therapist. Similarly, the therapist's interactions with the couple provide multiple opportunities for modeling new forms of behavior. Again, a thorough and ongoing functional analysis of the couple's problems will serve to make the therapist more mindful of potential opportunities for learning through modeling. At times this modeling will be done explicitly for the couple however, more important opportunities may occur using a subtler approach. One of the most important forms of behavior that the therapist will work to model consistently is validating behavior. During the first few sessions, the therapist would not draw attention to his or her validating behavior....

We Need To Change

A fourth couple type is composed of partners who are distressed, but who are willing to take responsibility for their part in the troubled marriage. This is the type of couple that tends to have high self-esteem and to be very active regarding their marriage. In divorce talk, problems are defined as something to which both parties have contributed and, therefore, something to which both parties can and must participate in changing. Problems are still very distressing, and divorce may be mentioned as an option, but it is frequently mentioned as a last straw rather than the first option. As the following example illustrates, the prospect of divorce is not raised as a threat or a bargaining chip. Mike and Cheryl have been married for seven years. They have one child, age two, and were considering having another child before Mike changed jobs. His new job has resulted in greater stress, in part because he has to work longer hours and has taken on new responsibilities. This has contributed...

Empirical Research

With regard to child physical abuse, several studies have documented significant reductions in PTSD symptoms using a variety of CBT programs. Swenson and Brown (1999) followed children in a 16-week CBT group focused on exposure, social skills, anger management, and relaxation training. Results from this project demonstrated a reduction in the children's level of anxiety, dissociation, anger, and PTSD. In a well-controlled design examining treatment for physically abusive parents, Kolko (1996) demonstrated that individual CBT treatment was superior to family therapy and standard community care in reducing parental anger and use of physical punishment. Both CBT and family therapy led to significant improvements in child behavior problems, parental distress, risk for future abuse, and family conflict. It appears that an integrated child and parent CBT treatment model would lead to greater gains in child and parent functioning (Runyon, Deblinger, Ryan, & Thakkar-Kolar, 2004).

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